Greatful Christmas is behind me.

I am so glad that Christmas is behind me. The holidays stress me out to the absolute max. The children were very pleased with what Santa had brought to them. Legos and video games are always a safe way to go, since they change their minds so much on what they really want. It didnt help that my Mother was sick along with Hyrum, and Wyatt. Now Morgan has whatever this sickness is. This season is now behind me. This is what I am greatful for today. And life is meant to be traveled by days!

Seasons

As we start this new season, and the leaves have about disappeared, I am starting to reflect on this past year and all that has been changing in our lives. Changes that are just as obvious as the leaves falling.

My baby is just so big. I look back to Oct of last year and think how scared i was to bring home a third child. How was I ever going to raise another boy to be a good man and a strong priesthood holder? I have learned many lessons in the six years that i have had children. Poor Josyah was my testing child, as I learned to be a good mother and find balance in being a wife, mother and Evaune. I have to say I am stilling learning and have a far way to go. I love the saying, "You learn something new everyday", and boy is that true.

For instance today I have learned that no matter how many fights you break up, they are boys and are going to continue to fight till you TEACH them to "Work it out"! Now this is easier said then done. I find it difficult to not yell into the backseat as Josyah and Hyrum are yelling at each other fighting and Wyatt is crying. I seem to have the control to stay out of it for only a few min before I step in and start yelling at them both. Doesn't make sense. Teach your children NOT to yell by what .... yelling at them not to yell!!

With Wyatt now walking all over the place, I am reminded once again that NOTHING in your house that is within reach of a 1 yr old is safe. It is all fair game in his eyes. If he can reach it, it is his to play with and put it in his mouth. I have also noticed by the dirt on his white socks and now brown knees, how dirty my floors are. As clean as my house may look my floors are gross and dirty. For this reason I put in slate so no matter if they were dirty, NO ONE would know! Dusting, laundry (that is endless), and everything else on my plate (or should I say platter) is just flat out more important then clean floors. So I say.... whatever! I then buy bleach and pretend when I am folding my little ones clothing that his socks are clean because my floors are clean! Wyatt is a calm in the storm. Tender,cuddly, and so sweet. He warms my heart. I sometimes sneak into his room when I get home just to rock him. He is my last and I cherish every moment with him. He is all over the place and into everything. He loves shoes and hats and anything else he can put on his body somewhere. He isn't a huge eater, which is a straight Hyrum has but not Josyah in the least.

Josyah is now in 1st grade. With this comes home work and reading time and PTA. He is so strong minded, and needs to know why. If he understands he will follow. If he does not understand he will fight and complain till he does understand. He is smart and kind and tender. He also is so stubborn and hardheaded and determined. He will accomplish great things in his life. He has always been so smart and such a fast learner. He picks things up just by watching his father do it first. he took his own training wheels off and just decided one day he was going to do it without them. This child means so much to me. he is my first and i have enjoyed every moment with him. I will continue to enjoy every moment with him.

Hyrum is a tender soul. He loves his Mom and Dad. He adores Josyah and looks up to him in every way. He says "I love you, and I will miss you", every time I go to work or Josyah goes to school. He is a true blessing to our house and brings such a sweet spirit into our lives. I am amazed daily on how good his speech is improving. He is not afraid to say a word again and again till he gets it. He loves pre-school (only with his blanket in his backpack). He loves his friend Holden, and asks to play with him every day. When it is time for Holden to leave he cry's and try's to trap him in the house. it is so cute and sad. He reminds me that we need to read scriptures and say our prayers. He is wonderful!

I am struggling. I feel as if I am lost in the sea of motherhood. I cant seem to find time to do things, anything to sort out the confusion in my head. The noise is so loud at times i struggle to hear anything else around me. I have found that sleep is a thing in the past without medication of some sort. Tylenol PM is fantastic!!

As it starts to snow here I am once again brought to ponder the marvels in life. I do cherish every moment with my children. I love being a Mother and caretaker. If only my worries would too pass just like the seasons.

Latley I can see

the truest love

between you and me

The type of love

that does not fade

The type of love

that will always stay

With every scent

with every touch

Our love

True love

Will never fade away

Truth

Truth 01/04/07

I thrust myself into the darkness

Reaching

Searching

Rummaging

What am I Frantically looking for

Desperately seeking for the light

Gazing wide eyed and hopeful

Somehow

Someday

Somewhere

Deep inside the hidden walls

Built on fear and sorrow

I Will find my…

TRUTH

My crazy life

Wyatt is so huge! He grows bigger every day it seems. I can't believe he is the last. I am sad and happy about this. I am glad there is light at the end of the sleeping tunnel but oh how I will miss the baby stages. He is three months and I can't tell you where the time has gone. I adore every bit of him. He is such a tender spirit I can tell. So fun to hold and play with. Such a great nurser unlike his brothers. He just loves me!

Josyah is doing better in school. Getting into less trouble. He still has a potty issue that we are working on. He still hates bedtime but what kid doesn't. It is a struggle to get him to lye still for any amount of time. It is nice to walk into his room while he is sleeping and watch him because he is so peaceful and quite and he is never like that. He is such a big helper though. He now unloads the dishwasher for me, and helps me with baby. He is very good at helping Hyrum with his speech as well.

Hyrum has started to stutter a bit. I hope this speech problem gets to be improved. I worry he will be made fun of. He is such a tender kid that I don't think he will handle kids being mean to him. I just adore that child. he is so good , plays well, and is tender with his baby brother. He loves baths. He will take like five a day if I allowed. He is not much of a eater so I try to sneak in food where I can.

Bringing home baby!

It is not so crazy to imagine that it has taken me this long to jot down what has been happening these last few weeks. WOW how life changes once a new baby is brought home. Being pregnant even with all it's inconveniences seems so much more appealing now. 

I was induced on the 10th of Oct due to some tests that came back alarmingly high. It seemed as though my liver decided to shut down and not filter things correctly. Hence the uncontrollable itch in my feet and hands. When my midwife got my results back she had me induced within the hour. Wyatt also had a bowel movement before birth which she discovered once she had broken my water. FUN! The pain of contractions this time so much more intense. I didn't think it could hurt any more then it did but after a few min of contractions I decided to get an epidural. Best decision of my life! I had him a little past ten that night after pushing for only thirty min. Morgan's Mother and Aunt were there along with my step Mother and Father who was hiding by the door. I didn't know he was there till I let out the F bomb and he shouted from the door! I then decided I wanted to retain my placenta and it took another forty five min to remove it.... Piece by piece! All is well both with baby and me thank goodness. 

Morgan is a huge help and thoughtful of my need to sleep. he takes care of the older kids and takes baby so I can get in naps. I love him for his efforts but I am still so tired. Can't imagine why?? 

Pregnancy update

Right when I start to enjoy this pregnancy, my body quits on me. I have been having terrible pain in my left side. It starts in my lower back and moves into my left hip and shoots sharp pain down my left leg. I sometimes collapse the pain is bad I can't hold myself up. I have been to a physical therapist and really what can they do... move baby? This is just a little reminder of how grateful I am for modern medication. For painkillers and a soft bed at night. Also cartoons to entertain my little ones while I try and stay still. LOL like that is really possible right? 

But these days I do feel like a lot of these modern comforts are overlooked and taken advantage of. Our mothers - mothers did the laundry by hand! Cooked three meals a day and had a ton of kids running at her feet without means to keep them busy for two seconds so she could breath. Chores were endless and yet she always looked nice and something was always cooking in the oven. She walked to the grocery store and heaven knows what else. 

So I should not complain. I love my washer and dryer, takeout, TV, and yes .... ear plugs!